The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
