No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
