So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You can't special order awesome
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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