haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
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I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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