So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This baby is an asshole
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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