You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
