Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
