Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
