you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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