Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
