I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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