I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
There r osticjed everywhere
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
