fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
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When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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