Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
