i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
