I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
