Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
