So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
