I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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