Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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