After last night, I could never be a politician.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
