my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
