i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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