jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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