I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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