If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
