I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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