They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
