Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
