I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
