I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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