my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
