some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize