Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
two words...techno handjob
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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