Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
