i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think im going to throw up on grandma
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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