2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
