As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
