so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
