Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
