Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
