"it" just moved
I look better un-naked...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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