I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize