All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
