Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
