She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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