I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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