Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
