For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
