I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
