Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
