One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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