would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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