I wish i was in the wii world.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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