Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
