she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
