Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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