Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize