ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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