We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
