why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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