that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
