plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My dick has a subreddit
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
