It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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