I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
