That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
